lately i've been hard to reach

A steady stream of water poured from the faucet, trickling quite strongly out into the open air and down into a cool, clear glass. The sound was soothing as liquids pushed through pipes beneath the metal sink, creating that pressurised fizz like the elongated sound of a bottle of soft drink being opened for the first time.. that almost pleasurable sound that always seemed to remind the young girl stood, a majority of her body covered in cotton pyjamas and a pair of soft slippers, at the sink of the beach or hanging out with a small group of friends. There were always little things that made Taylor smile; like how little baby James’ confused expression managed to mimic his father’s perfectly, or the little gurgling noises that Danny made whenever he saw his Uncle Louis [who seemed to have softened to the idea of his brother being a dad].

But, for some reason, today was one of those days where she couldn’t really keep that smile of hers going. Taylor’s eyes gazed dreamily at the water as it steadily began to fill the glass, hand extended, waiting for the right moment to turn the tap and cease that cascade of liquid from flowing into the sink. She’d felt like this for the past few weeks now, a sort of.. reluctance in how she used to act and the things she used to do before she got pregnant. It was no secret to most that Taylor enjoyed sex. She relished in the feeling of being that close to someone, having such a power over them but then being at the mercy of their ideas and desires. She enjoyed sharing someone else’s body heat, hearing breathy moans in her ear, and getting entirely lost in the moment. But, ever since the twins were born.. it wasn’t the same in her mind. Well, not entirely.

The play of muscles underneath skin, the sweat gathering as motions strengthen, the tight sensation of hands grasping at her form.. all of these things still played in her head, made her feel so god damn horny that it was almost unbearable. But then, other things would slip into her head; her stretch marks, the slight bit of baby weight that she still had to lose, the more tired droop to her eyes. They weren’t sexy. They weren’t nice to look at. They weren’t something you’d see and think, “Ho’damn, that is hot.” These little things almost always made her want to cry out in frustration as she stared at herself in the mirror, staring at these faults that she wished so badly would have disappeared by the next time that she woke up. But, every time that she went to the bathroom to get dressed, there they were again.. staring back at her almost the exact same as they had been for the past three months.

There was a soft squeak as the tap finally came to a stop, her hand guiding the simple glass to her lips as she took a couple of sips from it, eyes closing themselves briefly. It was pretty early in the morning, though not early enough so that there was no possibility of someone wandering around the household. Taylor still lived with Luke and Felicity, though since the end of school and the birth of the twins, Thad had also joined them. It was only meant to be for a while whilst the pair got used to parenthood, and it was a comfy arrangement with two babysitters on standby if either of the teens needed to get away for a little while. Of course, this always brought up the possibility of one not being as alone as one thought.

Luke had been awake for the past half an hour as he had work pretty soon, his natural body clock, for once, allowing him to be awake at about the right time. Despite the television being on, the twenty-six year old heard the soft, gentle shuffling of slippers against the light wooden floor of the kitchen, his interest perking up as he contemplated just who this mystery person was that was lurking about downstairs when most of the household remained asleep. And that was when Taylor crossed his vision as the young male padded over towards the cooking area of the house, eyes wandering over the quite baggy blue pyjamas that the girl was wearing.

“What’re you still wearing your maternity PJs for?” It was a simple inquiry that the lad made, only to be followed by a quirky little jump from the girl in front of him, her back more-so in his vision than anything else. “I’d have thought you’d have gotten yourself into that fitted nightdress of your’s by now.” His smile was friendly, and as much as she wanted to return that curling of the lips, she felt almost as if she couldn’t, like it was nothing short of a lie.

“I guess..” For a moment or two, the girl faltered as she began to turn around to face him, wondering whether or not to continue her blatant lie of an excuse.. or tell the older male just why it was that she felt the need to hide her body underneath a large amount of material. “I guess I, um.. I just don’t.. I mean..” It was a strange thing to hear Taylor Harts uncertain of what she was saying. It was quite rare for her not to say what was on her mind, what was bothering her, what she felt needed to be said. But, over the period of months, these little insecurities had welled up inside her chest, hitting her now at a pace that she couldn’t quite retaliate to.

Her eyes closed shut once more as her hand held the glass of water close to her chest, the other arm folded across her torso as if holding something close to her heart. Which, in a way, she was. She didn’t want to tell Luke about how she didn’t feel that sexy any more, or how she felt bad about the fact that she’d suddenly run cold on the subject of sex. It wasn’t as if Thad had really brought it up, nor had he really tried to instigate much with her, which she had known would happen anyway. He cared about her, worried over her.. oh, and those adorable little faces that he’d make when he started panicking over the tiniest of things. There had been, really, only one instance where the elder teen had attempted to start things up again.. but he was left with a million and one excuses, and a girl who was just content laying curled up against him under the covers.

Luke’s head tilted a little to the side as he watched the eighteen-year-old stumble over her own words, an almost brotherly concern written across his features. He had a vague idea what was working over in her mind as he’d briefly spoken to Felicity about the things that’d happen after the pregnancy, outside of the more in-depth details that Luke wasn’t entirely certain he wanted to know about. And he was beginning to understand why that more fragile form of Taylor was standing before him, fingers fiddling with the cotton of her pyjamas. After living with both Felicity and Frankie for a majority of his life, and then having Taylor move in a year ago, Luke knew certain signs for things, like when to back off or when to sit and talk. Fairly confident that he knew what was bothering her, he had a small idea of what to say. Taking a small step towards her, the male smiled.

“You know, a couple of years ago, I had this sort of thing with this guy. It was a bit of a surprise at first because it all happened so quickly and it was one of those things that you really don’t expect to happen, you know?” Luke paused briefly as the girl before him listened quite intently to his words, nodding softly in recognition to his question before he started to speak once more. “Over the time that we had this thing, I started to fall in love with him in a way that I really never had done before. He was.. just so perfect to me, and special. It became way more than I thought it would in my little world. I mean, we only had sex the one time before I had to leave, but there were so many things that pulled us together.”

The male knew where he was going with his story, his soft smile extending a little the more he thought of how well it fit into the situation, his body moving over towards a stool by the island countertop in the centre of the kitchen.
“There was one little problem though..” Taylor’s glass was placed down upon the counter as she herself sat down opposite her friend’s brother, eyes remaining entirely focused on his as she listened, not wanting to miss any of what it was that he was trying to tell her. “He couldn’t understand the fact that he was perfect to me.”

“He was always debating about whether or not what we were doing was right, he had his own insecurities within himself about so much of the stuff that we did and his own feelings towards himself. No matter what I said or did, they kept creeping back.”

“What happened?” the teen inquired, her voice quite soft as if she were a child trying to ask a question at the end of a book, an innocent taste to her words.

“There’s a lot to it, but.. after a while, those insecurities about who he was, how he was different to what he thought was normal, and everything.. he started to accept them. He accepted that he had a few different things about him, and that he wasn’t fitting into everyone’s specific model for a person. He started to open up and, after a while, started to understand that he was perfect to me in so many ways, despite these little flaws he felt he had.” Luke’s smile, once more, softened as Taylor was staring down now into her glass of water, her index finger running smoothly down the side before reaching the cool countertop beneath. Her mind whirred as she tried to take in the story that he’d just told her, a slight glisten attempting to cast over her eyes as her teeth softly bit into her lower lip.

“Tay, to Thad, you are.. perfect. He loves you and probably always will, despite the little flaws that you think you have. I mean, the guy near enough stalked you before you started dating. Something horrible to you can be something amazing to someone else. You shouldn’t close yourself up because you’re worried about how he’ll take the changes. Trust me. Accepting yourself as you are is so much better than trying to hide yourself away.” The smile that had remained upon Luke’s features as he spoke was still curled upon his lips whilst he looked over to the girl that had been drawn to look down at the counter in an attempt to hide the tears that were trying to force themselves down her cheeks, a deep mixture of happiness and sad raging around in her emotions.

She didn’t really know what she was feeling, but she felt an uplifting sensation in her chest as she thought about what the twenty-six year old was saying. It was true that everyone had their flaws, and that there were so many people out there that accepted them. He was right in saying that it was probably better for everyone to accept the way that they are instead of just dragging themselves down with it. And he was right that Thad loved her, which was true despite the amount of trouble she’d put him through since they’d first staRted dating very little over a year ago. He might have been a bit oblivious, at times, but.. she didn’t love anyone else more than she loved him and her two little boys. She might have changed a good deal now that she was a mother, but there were some things that she needed to get back and some things that she needed to accept, and some things that well and truly needed to get sorted out.

Her smile steadily extended to a grin as the young girl stood from her chair and walked around the counter, her arms wrapping around Luke’s neck in a thankful hug, her eyes squeezing shut briefly before she drew back from him. And then, she took off, her legs carrying her out of the kitchen and away from the male she’d just hugged, leaving him with his own little grin and an overwhelming temptation to speak out loud to the contents of the kitchen about how fucking amazing he was.

It took less than a minute for her to get upstairs, stepping on tip-toes in an attempt to not wake anyone else in the house up. She stepped even more carefully as she passed the room that the twins were now asleep in, and drew closer to her own room. Slowly, she began to open the door, cringing as the softest of squeaks sounded from the hinges, her eyes darting over to the young man asleep in her bed. Thad didn’t so much as stir, which Taylor couldn’t help but find rather adorable as she stared over at her boyfriend, seeing his body half stretched out over her side of the bed, quite a large majority of the duvet cover now lying across the floor. Smiling, she wandered over towards their bed, taking a hold of the duvet and pulling it up so that it was back over the sleeping male. It took her just a few moments before she crawled onto the bed beside him, slipping beneath the covers and resting quietly by his side.

The girl paused for a moment as her eyes glanced over the plain grey t-shirt Thad was wearing, flitting softly over his form as she softly bit into her lower lip, that smile of her’s extending once more before she turned a little more onto her side to press a gentle kiss against his shoulder. And then another.. and then another. Slowly, one of her legs slide over Thad’s torso, her kisses trailing from his shoulder and to his neck, then finally his lips as she now lay with legs either side of him, her front pressing softly to his, fingers gently toying with the collar of his shirt.

“Thad, sweetie.. it’s time to wake up.”